Flying tomorrow. Terrified. What can I do?
If you are reading this, you are likely going through a very difficult moment. Try to keep calm, find a quiet spot, and by the end of this article you should be feeling better.
The first step to recovery is understanding why you feel this way. We will begin on this point, and then outline the actions that you can take to overcome your fears.
Phobias
If your upcoming flight has you terrified, you are most likely suffering from a phobia, a clinical condition where your brain is locked in a negative thinking pattern with an unrealistic sense of risk.
There is nothing to blame yourself about. You are not a weak person. Even an experienced mountaineer can be scared of spiders, and he might have developed this phobia after a bad encounter (experimental) or over a deep blend of genetic, environmental or childhood factors (non-experiential).
If left untreated, phobias can reinforce themselves with time, as every worry that goes through your brain is kept as an evidence of how risky flying is. The key to break this negativity loop is to bombard your brain with positive information about flight safety. This is done most efficiently using the structured and thoroughly tested treatment of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
But you are not here for the long term solution, you have a flight soon and there is no time for a CBT treatment. Don't despair, there are still things you can do.
Even if we will not be able to cure your fear of flying today, you can definitely learn how to confront a stress surge or a panic attack. You might still have a hard time during the flight, but you will rest assured that it will not escalate to panic.
Let's first understand how a stress response develops.
The stress response
When facing the triggers of your phobia, the stress response comes in two waves.
The first wave is extremely quick, as it is designed to give us the speed and strength that, according to our brain, is needed get out of there and save our lives from the imminent danger. This could happen to you when hearing a strange noise from the plane or when hitting turbulence.
The chain of events of this wave are as follows: the amygdala, a pair of lobes at the base of the brain, senses the danger and orders the adrenal glands (located above the kidneys) to start releasing adrenaline into the bloodstream. This results in an increased heartbeat and expanded airways, needed to supply more blood and oxygen to our muscles and brain to keep them sharp.
With this, I want to highlight that your body is just trying to keep you safe. So instead of hating yourself for the higher stress level, revert that thinking and thank your system for working in such coordinated and thoughtful manner.
The first wave passes quickly. In many occasions, it is followed by a confirmation from our senses that all is fine, and the process is stopped. However, if your brain considers that the danger still exists, it will initiate a second wave to keep you sharp for a longer time.
The second wave activates the HPA axis, a system that connects several glands and brain parts to produce another stress hormone known as cortisol. Cortisol is produced in pulses, not continuously. It ensures a constant production of adrenaline, and starts delivering sugar to your bloodstream by taking it from your body reserves (this is why you are generally very tired after a stressful period).
Adrenaline is short lived. Cortisol, on the other hand, can remain in your bloodstream over 60 minutes. This doesn't mean that you are doomed the be stresses for the entire 60 minutes once your body has produced cortisol. The actual time will vary depending on your metabolism and the actions you take to fight it back.
It is very important to remember that cortisol remains for long time in the bloodstream. In many cases, people that try relaxation techniques escalate their stress further by thinking “this is not working, I am not getting better, I must be doing something wrong”. Don't fall into that. Even if you do it correctly, you will need a long time to start seeing results. A phobia typically passes after 20 minutes, so if you still feel stressed 5 or 10 minutes into your relaxation, be sure that this is normal. It's working, you just need to continue.
This is perhaps the most important point I want to make in this article: you need time to make the relaxation techniques to work, so don't despair in the first minutes.
Relaxation techniques
There are many relaxation techniques, and the most suitable ones are generally dependent on the preferences of the individual. I will focus on two of them which are both effective and easy to master.
The first, box breathing. Yes, you have head this a million times, but it actually works! The key here is to inhale and exhale slowly. Don't worry too much if you don't keep the exact timings below:
- Breath in slowly over 4 seconds while inflating your lungs and belly
- Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds. Don't force it if it doesn't come natural
- Exhale slowly over 6 seconds
- Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds. Then repeat the process
With box breathing you are not just balancing you oxygen intake, you are activating the parasympathetic nervous system, a system does the exact opposite than the stress response: decrease heartbeat, reduce adrenaline production, contract your pupils, etc.
The parasympathetic system is actually called in automatically after a meal, bringing you to the lazy and tired mode needed to focus on digestion.
But breathing alone might not solve the issue. You need to make sure that your brain stops thinking about the dangers. The best way to do so is by what is known as Visualization: picturing an environment that triggers the release of oxytocin.
Oxytocin, the happy hormone, reduces cortisol levels and stimulates the brain towards positive thinking. It's also produced during sex and, for women, during maternity, as they need it large quantities to endure the painful side of childbirth and breastfeeding.
If you google for relaxation and visualization, you will likely find many sources suggesting you to picture a calm beach, or a sunny day in a grassland. Yes, those places are nice, and many people would enjoy being there, but they might not be the optimal ones for you.
I suggest you find a truly wonderful moment of yours. It could be that this one takes place on a beach, but it does not have to. Dig deep in your brain to find your most happy memory. It can be from your childhood or recent past.
Once you found it, gather as much material as you can to activate all your five senses around that situation. Was it a time spent with your partner? Bring a photo, item or cloth from them, or even better, bring them. Was it in a match at a stadium with your friends when you were young? Bring an item of that favorite team of yours, and perhaps text your friends to send you some messages of encouragement that you can read on the plane.
Anything you can bring to recreate that wonderful situation will be of help.
Keep pushing
Maintain the box breathing and visualization techniques working together. If you stick to this for a long time (again, remember that it takes time to eliminate cortisol), you will avoid escalating your anxiety to a panic attack.
You might need to repeat this process several times while on the plane if you are taking a long flight. Try to not get affected by that, just repeat the relaxation exercises. If you can, distract yourself with other activities when you are feeling well. Make sure you bring your favorite books, music, movies and food with you. Don't let your brain get bored, as this will give it room to start wondering around what can go wrong.
In the long term, what you want is to cure yourself entirely. For that, I really recommend you to take a close look at CBT programs, which will work in the Cognitive area to break your negative thinking pattern, and in the Behavioral one to gradually train your amygdala with exposure to not release stress hormones when flying.
Drop me a line to [email protected] if you still feel unwell after this.
You are going to make it!